Essie's

Art by Vanessa (Vannu)~

Omgomgomgomg =O Guees whut?! I was looking thru my msn list and my eyes stopped at one person's, no it's not that he has an eye-catching nickname or funny quotes. It's just that Ive been feeling guilty towards this guy cz I ignored him for lik 6 months =X We were once involved in a long distance relationship, he's from Sarawak and Im from Sabah. Not that far =P But anyways, we first met at Nos and he quitted long time. One day, he asked for my msn and hp number before he leave Nos, so the story begins here... We've been teasing with each other for quite long until one day, he told me he liked me and I was kindah having a hard time accepting it but I did anyways lol... xD Been together for lik 3 months or so, I started to feel lik I keep abandoning him cz of my serious addiction of gaming that I stopped replying him or giving excuses. I know I sound lik a jerk but at the same time, I feel lik he pushed me off the edge by his day&night requests. So, I guess I kindah ended our relationship in a cruel and quiet way. Im really sorry about this and I know u want to know the reason, yet I never tell u. Im only writing this on my blog cz it'll take a long time for u to dig out this blog and it's gonna take up all my guts to tell u evrything. Just want to let u know, u'll always be a part of my memories and dun ask me if I want u to forget what I've done cz it will be like telling me to erase u off my mind, which I dun think I'll be able to do that.

Okay. So... While I was looking at his msn, a window popup and u asked "what sharing folder", it triggers my curiousity and answered u... Seems that u said I opened a sharing folder and in fact, I didnt even touch a single button so we started to talk o_o Oh and the question u asked me, "im guessing u found a bf right?" makes me wonder if u still know the real me or not. How could u think I'll cheat? Even it was just a sense of doubt... I never played with ur feelings or cheated on u while we were together. We both know its easy for us to cheat each other but I wont do such thing, swearing on behalf on my pride and dignity. Let me answer that truthfully here, I never ever dated with any guys when I was with u and after, I've been trapped inside my room for months and figured "love" is just not the thing for me now. =X

Anyways, now we're good again and started to sms =3 I'll make sure I wont ignore him now even if he gets really annoying ==" Cz Im taking a break from my game and its been giving me alot of time to think about my past, future as well... Also, him... Should I pick up where we left off or just continue as friends? How I wish I could time travel to fix up my mistake but hey, nobodys perfect... But I rlly do wish I could go back in time to heal ur wounds that Ive caused... One thing is for sure, he's alrdy a part of my memories now and I have no regret about it at all :D


The feeling I once had for you... It's coming back and worst of all, I'm falling even deeper in love with you now... I hated myself for loving you when I realized I cant repay the love you've given to me... Please, dont ever say u love me... Thats all I'm asking for... ~